Help desk....not so helpful

So I just spent 59 minutes and 42 seconds of my life on the phone with the help desk for my printer. Here's kinda how it went and several of the questions that I got asked: Them:Did you plug it in? Me: Yes. Them: Did you turn it on? Me: Are you serious? Them: Did you plug the cord into a power source? Me: As opposed to what? Them: Are you sure it's on? Me: Really? Them: Did you press the "on" button? Me: I hate you. Them: Let's not make this personal, are their words on the screen? this would indicate that the power is working. Me: Is their anyone else their but you? or are you all like this?

I'm taking a day off....

I am taking a real day off sports fans! I've gone in on every day off that I've had since I started working here. I did not go into work on my day off when I had the flu but it was b/c I felt like death and wanted to die in my own bed, so I don't think that counts. I have three consecutive days off in a row and I am going home! (3 whole days here in WT also known as Satan's home - only to me - is a long time) so I will take to the road and travel. (And it's my birthday and I don't feel old enough to be okay with spending it alone) So I actually tried to prepare my crew and fellow workers to allow me to take a day off. I got a call last week b/c my boss could not find a pen, ten minutes later he called b/c he needed a paperclip, 16 minutes later he wanted to know where a form on the computer was......you get the point. After 7 calls in an hour, I was hostile. Granted, I did rearrange an office that none of them have touched for 6 years but seriously.... I made psycho notes. I left a list of where all the supplies are, I printed off what forms they needed, I made snacks for the Sunday meltdown (occurs every Sunday after the mainstream church crowd leaves and the sinners come to eat b/c they slept through church- these crowds do not mix when dining b/c there's a lot of judging) anyways I left a preemptive meltdown management (and possible postponement) snack b/c I wont be there to deal with the drama and sugar helps. Happy Birthday to me .....I hope my does not ring.....

Cried at work .....

I did. And once I started I could not stop. I even snotted on my boss. He was cool about it. I just reached my limit. I got tired b/c I worked 6 12 hour days in a row, still recovering from the flu, failed our audit, ran out of crab cakes, had a freakishly bad hair day, ignored by my employees and I don't even know what else. It just added up! I've been working like crazy and my other manager's have some ingrained behaviors that are detrimental to what I'm trying to accomplish. I'm firing everyone. If only it were that easy. I really need to keep praying for them. And sometimes that's the hardest thing to do when you really don't like them. I guess mean people need Jesus too.

The battle for middle earth begins

Dear friends and readers, I have the flu. Keep in mind that I am coming from a tired, medicated flu like state where taking my gun to work seems like a good idea. I have the flu and no time to rest so Yes, NyQuil is my new best friend. Okay so the battle for middle earth (also known as the blue crab) begins. Do you remember that line from Lord of the Rings 2? Very profound and very accurate to my work environment. I'm about to fire everyone. I feel like taking my shoes off - letting my feet get big and hairy and making a speech with a sword in my hand. Something rousing like "do this, this and this or someone is going to lose their head." Figuratively of course. I'm going to fire them all. Ever read the art of war? someone is going down to make a point. It's gotta be done.

So I'm a hunter....

Not really. I didn't actually kill anything. I held something dead though. I went out to some land, with dogs and guns. I didn't actually shoot anything either. I did hold a gun. And I drank some gateraide (hunter's drink of choice - just kidding don't really know), and I petted the dogs. I was totally fine until I saw a snake skin. I didn't realize until later that I was wearing gater guards which are made by Nasa to protect you from snake bites. I thought they were for stickers.

8 bottles of bleach on the wall...

The plumbing went out. That does not describe adequately the situation at the blue crab. It smelled like Satan's bottom and I was inches deep in facilitation matter. I did not cover that in my training. I missed the "what to do with poop and lots of people who need too... 101" and more importantly the follow up class "what to do with people who get angry b/c they can't....". And furthermore how to deal with my staff who are hungry, need a smoke, and cannot go to the bathroom. They love me. Best boss ever! At this point they are probably getting me a gift - with a bow. It was such a good night. Words cannot describe....

So work is good....

So work is good...... I mean my boss took away my employees smoke breaks and their right to ring in meals like whenever. Clearly, if they were not taking smoke breaks when we were on a 40 minute wait, wouldn't be an issue. And furthermore, if they did not think that 6:30 on a Friday night was a "good" time to eat a meal prepared in our establishment, they would still have that privilege. And logically, they do not see it like that. I will probably go to the bathroom and get shanked, just like prison.
I'm thinking of selling smoke breaks on the side, little extra cash. For example, hey johnny if you get our guest some ranch dressing and quit offering cheese with every potatoe (it's apparently expensive- cows on strike- somehow relates to the middle east) I will let you have a cigarette.....I'm still getting shanked, just like prison. I should start smoking so that I smell like smoke and they will want one but can't have one.
I hired a bunch of new staff members. Pretty much if you can pass our test and you are breathing. Hired. I have very high standards.